Etiquette guru and co-author of Wedding Etiquette, 6th Edition, Lizzie Post sets the record straight for who and how-to plan a great wedding shower at the office or for family and friends. Read our Q&A for quick tips and how to avoid modern etiquette faux pas.
Q: Are wedding showers the responsibility of the bridesmaids?
A: To the relief of many a bridesmaid, no it is not your responsibility or your requirement to throw a wedding shower. You certainly can if you want to, but it is by no means an obligation.
Q: Who typically should throw the shower then?
A: Traditionally, it wasn’t close family of the bride but nowadays it’s okay for anyone who would like to throw a shower for the bride to plan one. A lot of the time, moms do end up being involved even though originally it was looked at in bad taste. Now, since everyone is so spread out, it is a lot easier for the bride if a mom or a close family member does coordinate a shower. Remember, anyone invited to the shower is should be invited to the wedding.
Q: Any etiquette tips for showers throwing at shower at office?
A: The work shower is a little bit interesting because it’s the one time that even though your co-workers may not be invited to the wedding, they may throw you a shower anyway. Co-workers often understand why they aren’t invited to a wedding, but they still want to do something for this person they see daily. For guest list, think about where you work. If your work for a very small company you should invite everyone. If you work at a large company, the host should invite just your floor or your team. For joint office gifts, it’s best to let people know that there is a collection envelope at a designated person’s desk rather than having someone go around from person-to-person, which could put somebody on the spot. The main point is to wish your soon-to-be married colleague well.
Q: Any suggestions for shower ideas beyond the traditional brunch?
A: That’s a good question! Personally, I do think there are some great things that can be done with showers themes. My mom talked about having an “around the clock” shower, where every guest is assigned an hour of the day. Guests are supposed to give gifts that match that hour of the day. Another idea is to pick a color or room that you know the bride and groom are decorating in their home. For example, choosing gifts that are for the living room.
Q: What about surprise showers — is there anything the host should think about when planning?
A: Make it very clear to all the attendees that it’s a surprise and have a thought out plan about how you are going to get the bride there. One of the troubles with a surprise shower, because you’re not talking to the bride, you may not know who might be getting left off the guest list. I would make sure to coordinate with the mother of the bride or someone who knows the invitation list for the wedding and make sure that you have the right group invited.
Need more advice? Pick up the 6th Edition of Wedding Etiquette by Anna Post and Lizzie Post.
Be sure to check back in with us for more etiquette tips from Anna and Lizzie, too!
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